BLOOD! GORE! POLIOSIS!

February 9, 2008

Woooo!

That’s what happens when I see a Johnny Depp film these days. This week I saw Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (or STTDBOFS), and now I never want to get my hair cut again. YIKES. Seriously, the barbers union is going to be suing Mssrs Burton and Depp for loss of profits.

Ok, here’s the story: former barber and erstwhile wrongfully accused convict Benjamin Barker returns from Australia (WOO! AUSTRALIA!) with a brand new ‘do and a heck of a vengeance. Turns out Alan Rickman had him arrested so that he could move in on Barker’s wife (must have seemed like the most logical plan at the time). Unfortunately for Mr Rickman (who has now adopted Barker’s child), it turns out that Barker (now named Sweeney Todd) is pretty much focused on killing him. Hijinks ensue. Did I mention this was a musical? Awesome.

Depp is very good, and at times terrifying (never knew anyone could make that hair do look so chilling), and hey, the guy can sing a tune or two. Helena Bonham Carter (aka, Mrs Burton (are they still married? Where’s Entertainment Tonight when I need them?)) is also fantastic, and Sacha Baron-Cohen makes a nice appearance in a spectacular pair of blue lycra tights.
Sound weird? It should do. It’s Tim Burton.

I should probably also say something about how violent this film is. I mean, really violent. Who would have thought there was that much blood in the human body?? Eeep. Depp has a wonderful time (you can tell) going jab jab jab with the razors…splat splat splat with the blood…but this little black duck was going “AAAH!” all the way through.

Tell you what, I’m dying for an Oscar telecast now, because I really want to see which clip they use for Johnny’s nomination.

Actor—Johnny Depp
He’s really the only one of the four remaining who I would expect to be able to steal this one from Daniel Day-Lewis, but I’m not sure how likely that is. Stupid Academy. He so should have won it for Pirates…

Art Direction—Dante Ferretti, Francesca Lo Schiavo
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Tim Burton knows how to direct art. (Heh.) His movie canvases are always so colourful and vibrant—even though most of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (HEE) is quite dark, comparatively, the colours it does have aren’t shy about expressing themselves. It’s like a bruise—a world of black and brown and blue with frequent bursts of vibrant, candy-apple red.
(side note: Dante Ferretti also did the art direction for Titus, which also heavily features pies composed of dubious substances…)

Costume Design—Colleen Atwood
Heck of a chance here—mostly due to Atwood’s historic record (she won Oscars for Memoirs of a Geisha and Chicago) and her collaboration with the always visually stunning work of Tim Burton (the guy is like a mad hatter loose in a fairy tale paintbox)—but she’ll face strong competition from Atonement (I still say the green dress wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be) and La Mome (which I’ve also heard called La Vie En Rose…emm…)

Back on track, anyway, and it’s time to hand out another BEANIE.

Best Performance by a Hairstyle

And the BEANIE goes to…Damn near everyone for Hairspray

There’s only one thing better than hairspray, says James Marsden, and that’s James Marsden. Some seriously gravity-defying do’s in this film, and I shudder to think how many asthmatics were lost during the making of it. I could tell you that the hair dos also act as integral prop-pieces, but come on, you know better. It’s just about the hair.

I’m pretty damn peeved that this film isn’t nominated for ANYTHING (would it have killed them to go for Art Direction or Costumes? Or Makeup? Pffft) as it was one of the movies that made me GO OFF—it’s pretty impossible to leave the theatre without a smile on your face. James Marsden is excellent as host Corny Collins, a character he describes as being sort of like Frank Sinatra, with a big dollop of cheese on top. Nikki Blonsky is excellent—so cheerful and effervescent—and Michelle Pfieffer really should sing more often.

The runner up in this category, in case you were wondering is Depp himself for Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (I just love typing that out in full), who rocks that whole white streak thing. Found this online:

“The actual medical name for the white forelock is poliosis. It can occur in otherwise normal folks as a form of a birthmark…white hair in Waardenburg's syndrome correlates with hearing issues, a unibrow, and irises of two different colors…”

Well I think we’ve all learned something.

Also:

"Mr. Depp’s Sweeney isn’t a regular guy either. With a Susan Sontag patch of white streaking his pompadour, ghostly skin and distraught eyes, this Sweeney is both wretched and mad."

Wow. He’s wretched, you see, AND mad. And oh ho! Not regular. Another person on the page where I found this helpfully points out that Cruella DeVille from 101 Dalmations also has a white streak. That settles it, I guess.

Anyway, it’s time to sign off, so I’ll leave you with my favourite lyric from Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street…

O

“There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it’s filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And it goes by the name of ‘London’.”
-- Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street --

PS—For those of you who were wondering about Punxsatawney Phil—he did eventually emerge, yawning, in time to proclaim there would be six more weeks of winter. Not here, but, somewhere.