In which they don't have enough lepers in movies anymore

Captain's Log: 28th January

Last movie watched: Burn After Reading (Why, oh why, do they not let Brad Pitt do this kind of stuff more often?)

Song currently in head: I've Just Seen A Face by the Beatles

So, here we are in the 1950s, where I have seen four of the Best Picture winners, which marks a record so far. It was a BIG decade for movies, too, or a decade for BIG movies. Case in point: 1953’s From Here to Eternity. The Pearl Harbour movie that kicks Pearl Harbour’s ass. Monty Clift, Frank Sinatra, Ernest Borgnine and Burt Lancaster, being manly and getting into fights over women in the lead up to the Japanese bombing on the Pacific. It’s not singing praise for the US army (despite apparently being rewritten so as to paint it in a less-disturbing light), but it’s most famous for one of film’s most enduring (and controversial) shots – Deborah Kerr and Lancaster’s beach kiss – and for showing that Frank Sinatra could act, baby. Sinatra picked up an Oscar for his performance, the getting of which was also, incidentally, the role which apparently inspired the “make him an offer he can’t refuse” bit in The Godfather (you know, right before the horse’s head turns up?).

What else? How about 1958’s Gigi, to which unfortunately I say “meh”. It’s about a young French girl who is tomboy-ish and being trained in the art of being a Lady (capital L), which seems to involve a lot of wine sipping and cigar smelling (seriously). It’s drawn a lot from things like My Fair Lady, but the songs and characters are (to me) not all that memorable. One character, for example, spends an awful lot of the movie complaining about how bored he is with everything and how girls are a bore, and theatre is a bore, and eating is a bore...so much that one begins to start to think the same about the film one is watching. Ha, though. Favourite piece of trivia involves the inclusion of a cat, which took exception to the leading lady. Hence kitty was heavily drugged. At least someone was having a good time. Good review excerpt: “[Gigi] leads the cast in a contest to see who can be the most French. The winner is Chevalier [who is, well, French, genius]…” But all the same, people apparently loved it, so...they’re obviously not thinking.

Next! 1957’s Bridge on the River Kwai, in which a troop (squad? gaggle?) of British soldiers are imprisoned in a Japanese POW camp, including their Colonel (Alec Guiness, being awesome), who takes his pride and patriotism a little too far. Massive sets, massive characters...it’s fairly long, but then it’s quite a feat of engineering. Time to get pissed off at a lot of characters, a lot of countries, and in the end, it’s all about the explosion. Ka-POW!!!!

And now my favourite of the 1950s, but ironically. It’s the film nothing is really bigger than, or they’d change the saying. It’s 1959’s Ben Hur. Woo! Oh, Mr Heston, you raving gun nut you. But look at that jawbone! Ok, so here's the plot: a Jewish prince is betrayed by a friend and his mother and sister are captured and he is drafted into slavery and then the boat he’s rowing on is attacked and then he rescues an important guy and then there’s pretty horses and a CHARIOT RACE and then Jesus shows up and there are LEPERS! Everywhere! I mean if there was one thing missing from Lord of the Rings, I think we can agree that it was the lack of lepers. Silly Tolkien.

It won 11 Oscars, equalled only by Titanic and the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. It’s also the only religious Hollywood film, apparently, that the Vatican has liked. Which maybe says something more about how Hollywood handles religion than it does about the Vatican. There seem to be about ten thousand “making of” documentaries, and a bucketload of trivia. My favourite of which is:

[of the water in the boat sequence] it was too brown and murky...they finlly found some dye that would make the water blue. During one of the battle scenes, an extra who fell into the water and spent too much time there turned blue, and was kept on the MGM payroll until it wore off.

Reason for insurance claim: turned blue.

And let’s talk about the chariot race. WOW. That’s actually Charlton Heston on there, by the way – he learned while making the film, and while yes, the people getting run over are dummies (or so they say, in fact Wikipedia says the filmmakers stressed that “no serious injuries or deaths” occurred during the scene...just incidental deaths, then), there’s still an awful lot of people and horses running around at high speed. Sheesh! No CGI, either. Uh huh.

I also love the enduring rumours that the script was rewritten at one point to have the scenes between Judah Ben-hur and Messala a little more, well, gay (otherwise known as "probably historically accurate"). It was apparently a strong requirement that Charlton Heston never be made aware of this intention. But I mean...oiled-up men in the bathhouse...come on.

As for the Oscars, we reach the award for Best Foreign Film. I’ve seen I’ve Loved You So Long, which was unfortunately not included, and so I feel that all my hard work (and, you know, that of the filmmakers and actors) was for nothing. Pssh. Most awards seem to be going to Waltz With Bashir, by all accounts quite remarkable, but you can never tell with this category. Pan’s Labyrinth, for instance, won Oscars for make-up, art direction and cinematography, but for whatever reason did not win for Foreign Film (maybe if it had included more lepers...). Admittedly it lost to The Lives of Others, which I suppose we can’t really quibble about, so that makes this entire point kind of...pointless. Are you really surprised?

"Let's go to a phone booth or something, huh? Where I will unveil a fifth of whiskey, I have hidden here under my loose, flowing sports shirt."

(now there's a pickup line)

--- Frank Sinatra - From Here to Eternity ---