Thursday, February 11, 2010

OBlogs: In which I have nothing whatsoever to do with the voting. Honest.

Backstage there is a brief tussle between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton over who is going to do the talking. As always, Liz wins, and steps out to great applause, flashing her violet eyes before presenting the award for Best Art Direction. The size of the diamond in her ring seems to be weighing her down and the end of her dress still hasn't made it onto the stage. Luckily husbands one through six are there to hold the train.


(not that sort of train)


At any rate, the nominees are:

Ben-Hur, 1959 - Chariots! Slaves! Lepers! Jesus! But in terms of art direction it's really the chariots that people focus on, most notably THE chariot race, which is still kicking the ass of action sequences in the 21st century.

Gone With the Wind, 1939 - It's BIG. Not, clearly, as big as the previous film (what is?) but sizeable, nonetheless. And quite an undertaking. It's about a spoiled young lady in the South during the Civil War. I believe there's also some fighting and whinging and burning of buildings. It's a hazy memory - I mean, four hours.

Cleopatra, 1963 - This particular film has 10 art directors. Seems somewhat overqualified for its nomination here. Anyway. Ancient Rome and Egypt, Cleopatra arrives, Cesar murdered, widow Cleopatra shacks up with his killer, things go badly, lots of death.

Titanic, 1997 - Yet another enormous film. Two star-crossed lovers meet on the ill-fated steamer Titanic, and they're just getting things together when that pesky ice berg shows up...

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, 2003 - Can't help but notice we could've done with a little, well-decorated movie in here. But there are only five spaces and who am I to judge? Upon the showing of the film's clip, David Lean is seen to spend several minutes with his mouth hanging open.

The Sting, 1973 - Ha! An extra spot! Yes, two grifters in the jazz age of the 1930s set up the best long con ever set to ragtime music. (Awesome bit of trivia I just found: Robert Shaw's limp is completely authentic, having injured himself -- wait for it -- playing handball. Now THERE's a story in need of telling)

Burton is allowed his only line: "And the winner is..."

BEN-HUR! You've never seen so many angry art directors in a room before, sketching elaborate hang-man nooses and pointing from them to the winners, and it becomes apparent to the producers that shutting these creative and rather competitive people in a room together may not have been the best idea. Still, the crew from Ben-Hur are pretty stoked, and quite frankly at some point most everyone will acknowledge (albeit grudgingly) that they deserve it. Probably.

Everyone's had a chance to rearrange the seating plan while they wait for the train of Elizabeth Taylor's dress to disappear back stage. Poor little Haley Joel Osment is stuck between Jack Nicholson and Mickey Rourke. Terrified. Glancing frantically towards the exits.

The producers have done a little rearranging of the presenters and decided the best bet at this moment is to send out Aishwarya Rai and Sean Connery. It works, and everyone stops bickering to stare at the pretty people.

(Hello!)

The nominees for Best Cinematography are...

A Midsummernight's Dream, 1935 - Hal Mohr (turns out his main contribution was to spraypaint the trees in the film orange. Guess you had to be there. Mohr was not actually nominated, but won on account of the number of write-in campaign votes from grass-roots supporters. Somewhat awkwardly, the Academy decided they would no longer accept write-in votes after this year. Heh.)

Lawrence of Arabia, 1962 - Freddie Young (Lawrence's attempts to regain some of the Arab peoples' homeland. A tiny caption for an enormous film. The best scene being Omar Sharif's entrance, as it would be for any film Sharif is in)

Barry Lyndon, 1975 - John Alcott (one of the most innovatively shot films in movie history, and the applause for Alcott is pretty loud)

Schindler's List, 1993 - Janusz Kaminski (the decision to film in black and white meant that the crew, from costumers to art directors to cinematographers, had to re-learn everything they had learned in colour. Meanwhile Spielberg found his own shooting style by cutting back on big budget cranes and camera equipment.
Road to Perdition, 2002 - Conrad L. Hall (Goodness me! Who knew? Veteran cinematographer Hall shoots his final film in the style of an Edward Hopper painting, picking out some colours and desaturating others to evoke the depression era)

And the Fantasy Oscar goes to...

It's a TIE! ANOTHER TIE! Oh yes, this award goes to both John Alcott for Barry Lyndon and Conrad L. Hall for Road to Perdition (I swear! It just happened like that! I had nothing to do with it!). These two gentlemen get a standing ovation (why are cinematographers so much better-behaved than art directors and animators?) and they pay respects to each other in their speeches. Hall also tips his hat to Irmin Roberts, the inventor of the dolly zoom, better known as the "Vertigo effect", while Alcott thanks the directors who gave him his chances behind the camera, and especially Stanley Kubrick.

Leaving things on that happy note, it's time for a musical number. It is not Rob Lowe, and for that we are all thankful.

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