Monday, April 20, 2009

In which I'm in a crappy mood.

Melancholy alert!

Heh. It occurs to me that the above exclamation mark is out of place, given the sentence itself.

Anyway. Wah. I've spent today noodling around on my computer, doing bits and pieces of work and wondering when or if I'll ever get paid for anything again, and why it should all hinge around getting paid, anyway, and why we can't all just be born rich and then feeling bad for assuming no one has it worse than I do. It's a complicated mood. Certainly my prospects of ever doing something I really love are looking bleak, since the world in general doesn't seem all that susceptible to my charms, and today I don't have the energy to buck up my spirits. Today, I am skill-less, direction-less, pointless. Today I am sad.

Had to laugh a minute or so ago when I checked the usual length of time it takes to acquire citizenship from a particular country. The website said 6 months. Try 3.5 years, dipsh*t! Oh yeah, today I'm also depressed about nothing happening re my citizenship application. Pooh!

I'm aware, on some level, that if I wanted to have specific skills I could have trained in them, but at the time a decision had to be made I didn't know anything about what I wanted to -- or could -- do. Nothing I wanted seemed viable, and nothing viable seemed appealing. Sometimes I feel as if I've failed the great exam of Life. Sorry, O, time to sit in the corner with the rest of the D students. Here's a free pen.

Sigh. There's got to be some sort of cathartic therapy to be had in writing all this out, or maybe it'll just depress some other unsuspecting people (sorry about that). It's all just self-pity, I suppose. Again, some part of me knows that there must be plenty of people who have felt like this at some point, and I just have to keep on keeping on, etc. But today I don't want to hear it. I just want to curl up in the foetal position, moan softly and daydream.

Ho hum.

In which all is warm and cosy in the apartment.

Tonight I sit in my room while the sky outside purples and the cool air rushes in and blows my picture frames precariously about on the walls. I probably should go and check that one by the curtains, but there's a perverse pleasure to be had in waiting to see how long it'll last.

It all reminds me of the faraway Point C (where I ultimately wish to live), and I'm going to have to resist the urge to hole up in here all evening. I've been grocery shopping, and I'm enjoying the feeling you get in your feet after you've taken your shoes off following an hour or so of walking. Mmm.

The year is wearing on, and I'm determined to stay positive, re my prospects of finding a job/satisfaction in the city of Point B. Nevertheless, the travel bug has infiltrated my defences and keeps buzzing on about far off places and adventures to be had. If only someone would pay me to travel about and enjoy myself. Seems like a breakdown in priorities, if you ask me.

This last weekend I engaged in an ill-advised pasttime: gambling. Only ill-advised if you're like me, and have absolutely no luck of any kind with respect to these things. Pleasing enough to get all dressed up and sit under an umbrella, bobbing up every now and then to hang by the railings to watch the horses thunder past, though. The general toffery doesn't extend to the manners of the punters, though. No chivalry to be seen amongst the men, and the women, though faring slightly better, tended to be much more concerned with how they looked than with paying attention to what was around them (including people trying to navigate past with a drink). Still, it's always amusing to hear a bunch of people in suits and dresses start yelling "GO ZAPPERS!" at the top of their lungs.

Mostly, I liked looking at the horses - really fine creatures, and I kept looking longingly after the grey Racecourse horses as they cantered after the winners. I'm going to have to visit the nearby park and its horses soon.

Ack! It's raining! Batten down the hatches!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

In which puddles and dogs are fun, but moving is not.

If there is one thing to be said about my current residence at Point B, it is the view of the city skyline, and in particular, the sky itself. Tonight, for instance, there is a spectacular lightning display flashing across the eastern sky, and it's only a recent article on multiple lightning strike victims that keeps us from opening the balcony door to the elements. One section of the sky is actually a luminous green, which isn't something I've seen before. The torrential quality of the rain is something to delight in, too, although 24 hours ago was a different story.

I'd just done a round of grocery shopping, possibly too much, although I still managed to forget the potatoes, and when I stepped on the bus it began. Rain. Lots of it. And when I stepped off the bus there was even more of it. Gushing all over the road and making the usually short walk home seem an eternity. There were two options, but waiting it out seemed like a futile one. And so instead I braved the wet and walked home. In thirty seconds I was soaked to the skin. And yet after a while there was something nice in not worrying about getting any wetter.

Puddles are fun.

All other news is somewhat limited to me taking a walk in the park, and today hijacking two scottish terriers (one white, one black) under the pretence of checking my foot for blisters (in something of an irony there was a massive one on my toe). Adorable things, although I was belatedly told that the black one had fleas. Sure, I probably shouldn't have gone and started cuddling strange dogs, but what is it with me and this kind of eventuality? (See previous blogs on the subject of ringworm in cats) Also am continuing to pass by a couple walking a teeny tiny black poodle which honestly looks as though it's the bounciest, fluffiest tiniest thing ever to walk on four legs. Its owners don't tend to let it out of their sight, though, so I'll have to stage another blister-check at some point. Nevertheless, dogs, like puddles, are fun.

You know what else is fun? Not moving, that's what! And after this weekend I finally have my stuff moved in, and after a brief setback involving hanging pictures, a heavy frame, and a crash in the middle of the night over my bed, things are well here in point B.

Now all I need is employment. Hmm.