Honey badger maintenance

Routine at the wildlife centre started pretty quickly. Up at 10-to-7, wash face, dress (what to wear, what to wear...thankfully this decision is rendered moot by the requirement to dress always in the camp t-shirt, which ranges from khaki to...darker-khaki), grab camera and a bottle of water and hot-foot it up the hill to the clinic, where we begin our daily rounds.

We're in one of four groups, and mine is in charge of feeding and cleaning the cages of the following:

• Honey badgers (excellent value)
• Wild dogs (would have been more exciting had we been able to go in the cage)
• Mixed Vultures (here's one I would have preferred not to enter the cage of)
• White faced owls
• Guinea Fowl

It starts like this: first we scuffle round to see who wants to do what (mostly it's between the badgers and the dogs, and all the birds together). I'm not a bird person, so let's start with the badgers.

Bucket, brush, broom, trowel, and 20 dead one-day-old chicks covered in calcium powder. Mmmmm. Helloooo breakfast. Hopefully the chicks are defrosted, so we don't have to do that whole fill-bowl-with-water-and-poke-at-chicks-until-they-feel-squidgy part ourselves. Trot on down the hill to the badgers' enclosure, wherein reside two little specimens: Stoffel (the male) and Hammy (female). Stoffel is tricksy and slippery and aggressive to boot, so we're not allowed to touch him much. Hammy, however, is mostly friendly, though you have to watch out, because she loves getting out of the enclosure too. She's my favourite, and I like to reach down and let her grab hold of my hand and pull herself up by her tiny, powerful shoulders. Sometimes I let her hang onto the edge of the wall while I scratch her, and once while I was sitting on the wall she grabbed hold of my sneaker, and while it was fun at first, it soon became clear that she was planning to climb up my leg, and then it was all: GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

Once we've thrown a few chicks to the badgers and they're busy ripping the heads off, we shut them off in one half of the enclosure, jump the wall and start cleaning. Poo-picking, scrubbing the walls to get their paw-marks off, and cleaning out the water bowl. Also, and we'll take note at this one, making sure you don't dong your head on the thick wooden beam that forms part of the back shelter. This is easier to do than you would have thought.

Once you've recovered from the little cartoon badgers running around your field of vision, it's time to switch, switch, switch! Up and out, move the badgers, tempt them with some cleverly placed chicks, close them off and then it's lather, rinse, repeat in the second half. In the meantime you get to reach down and grab hold of Hammy's paw and watch as she tries to climb up your arm to get out. Hammy is occasionally allowed out of the enclosure, but Stoffel is pretty much not, especially since he managed, using a stick, to climb out himself and into the lion cage. I didn't see it, but I'm told that once Stoffel got a good hold on Big Boy's privates, it was a pretty even fight. Hardy little creatures, them honey badgers.

The Wild Dogs are less taxing -- just fill up their water bowl and swimming pool, really, and don't put your fingers through the fence. Check! Just a quick hello to Taz, who is by himself, poor bugger, as he's broken his back and is not fit to run with the pack. He's a skittish little thing, but very sweet.

Back up at the birds, the mixed vultures (the party mix of the animal world) need their enclosure scrubbed -- all that poo off the stumps, trees, rocks etc, and the water pools need to be scrubbed, emptied and refilled. Then do a feather-pick (absolute waste of time, considering how many feathers there are in there) and rake, all the while making sure you don't on any occasion look like you're dead. Holding a rake is a good idea, especially since in the mornings they like to stretch their wings out to warm them, and this makes them look about ten times more threatening. Then we gather up our stuff and make a run for the door. Woo!

Off to the white faced owls, who need very little maintenance. Quick scrub, couple of dead chicks (as food, not dead owl chicks) and a peek inside the next to see whether mum has given birth yet. She hasn't, and doesn't like you staring at her. Hooooo.

Through the cage are the guinea fowls -- silly looking birds with beautiful blue feathers on their chests (though they're pretty tame, they're also hanging on to those feathers pretty tightly, so good luck trying to pull one out). They need their floor raked, poo picked, and feed and water checked. Also you'll need to poke at them every now and then with the rake just to move them along. A quick check for eggs (none!) and you're done!

Phew! After this it's off on a ten-minute hike through the jungle to breakfast, which, surrounded by little grey monkeys who are after the fruit (people are obliged to throw cutlery every now and then to keep them off the food), is completely worth it. A feast of yoghurt and all-bran, a couple of bits of bacon, and it's back into the jungle for the uphill walk home.