In which I'm in a crappy mood.

Melancholy alert!

Heh. It occurs to me that the above exclamation mark is out of place, given the sentence itself.

Anyway. Wah. I've spent today noodling around on my computer, doing bits and pieces of work and wondering when or if I'll ever get paid for anything again, and why it should all hinge around getting paid, anyway, and why we can't all just be born rich and then feeling bad for assuming no one has it worse than I do. It's a complicated mood. Certainly my prospects of ever doing something I really love are looking bleak, since the world in general doesn't seem all that susceptible to my charms, and today I don't have the energy to buck up my spirits. Today, I am skill-less, direction-less, pointless. Today I am sad.

Had to laugh a minute or so ago when I checked the usual length of time it takes to acquire citizenship from a particular country. The website said 6 months. Try 3.5 years, dipsh*t! Oh yeah, today I'm also depressed about nothing happening re my citizenship application. Pooh!

I'm aware, on some level, that if I wanted to have specific skills I could have trained in them, but at the time a decision had to be made I didn't know anything about what I wanted to -- or could -- do. Nothing I wanted seemed viable, and nothing viable seemed appealing. Sometimes I feel as if I've failed the great exam of Life. Sorry, O, time to sit in the corner with the rest of the D students. Here's a free pen.

Sigh. There's got to be some sort of cathartic therapy to be had in writing all this out, or maybe it'll just depress some other unsuspecting people (sorry about that). It's all just self-pity, I suppose. Again, some part of me knows that there must be plenty of people who have felt like this at some point, and I just have to keep on keeping on, etc. But today I don't want to hear it. I just want to curl up in the foetal position, moan softly and daydream.

Ho hum.